


Sun On A Brightest Day

by onyxshinigami



Series: Iron Bull Appreciation Month 2016 [4]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M, Past Drug Use, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 06:14:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6893404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onyxshinigami/pseuds/onyxshinigami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Admire the stars.  Watch the sunrise, sunset.  Turn your face towards the sky, and keep going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sun On A Brightest Day

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the second half of Week Three of Iron Bull Appreciation Month
> 
> Theme: Rare Pair
> 
> http://fatalmirage.tumblr.com/post/142130763492/the-iron-bull-appreciation-month-is-coming-up

Cullen was exhausted. His mind had been chasing itself all day with the same thoughts. Nothing he did was working to distract himself out of his own mind. His guts were cramping, again, and he felt feverish. The endless parade of dead faces behind his eyes did not lighten his mood. He wasn’t exactly happy to hear a knock at a side door near sundown.

“Enter.”

“You wanted to see me?” The Iron Bull had only recently returned from the Western Approach. The desert sun had done the Qunari a lot of good. His grey skin practically glowed, pewter and silver highlights, as he moved towards Cullen’s desk. Cullen looked up at the man, ready to respond, but stopped. The two men watched each other in silence for a moment before Cullen spoke.

“Have you… done something to your horns?”

“Desert air leaves them dry and itchy. Vivienne knows a guy that makes this awesome balm for her nails. She thought it might help and passed along some. Leaves them a bit shiny for a few hours. Smells great too,” he smiled.

“Cinnamon.” A memory of happier times. Father in the kitchen taking a pie from the oven; Mia laughing and clapping in delight. Warmth and glow. “You smell like cinnamon.”

“Yeah, anyway. You needed me?”

Cullen shook his head back to the present. “Yes. There is a situation developing in the Hinterlands. More Venetori forces were spotted by some of our scouts. I thought your Chargers would be better suited to the task and I wanted to get your perspective on the Venetori movements as well.”

The two reviewed reports, examined maps, and went through several plans before settling on a combination of ideas that would hopefully work most efficiently. It took a bit longer than Cullen had anticipated, and he blamed himself. His focus was not as it should be. He was grateful for the Bull’s patience. He was also grateful the Bull either didn’t notice, or chose not to comment on the way his hands would shake if he wasn’t holding on to something. Given the man’s training, Cullen was positive Bull had noticed.

A general plan was agreed upon and Bull said he’d get Krem and the boys moving in the next two days. The Chargers were determined to prove their worth and earn their keep. Bull was proud of his company and any chance he had to expand their reputation in Ferelden was a good one. They shook hands as they parted, more a friendly gesture than a formality.

“Thank you for your time, Bull.”

“Always happy to help.”

 

*** 

 

Cullen and Bull had just left the main hall of Skyhold, walking down the stone steps to the courtyard below, grateful for some fresh air. The two men were talking the opportunity to stretch their legs while they could. It had been a long day and it was only going to get longer. The Inquisitor had been called to a formal dining with some Nevarran nobles, and she insisted her advisors and her Inner Circle were included in the affair.

If she had to suffer, so did they.

Bull had to put on a shirt, so he was heading back to his quarters to find something suitable. No need to have Josephine upset over something so small. The ambassador had greater issues to worry about when it came to waltzing nobles into line.

“Isn’t your room that way?” Cullen asked, as Bull turned away. “The room above the tavern?”

“That wasn’t my room.”

“What?”

“Seriously. You thought- Have you seen that place!?! It’s a wreck.” Bull looked honestly shocked.

“But… you and the Inquisitor… I thought… it’s-“

“Cullen, you’re watering daisies.” Bull shook his head. “That room was simply the most convenient at the time.”

“But. You were. And the Inquisitor-“

“She scratched an itch.” Bull rolled his shoulders casually. “What was it Josephine said? Oh yeah! _Who wouldn’t be a little curious? _“__

__“Maker’s Breath, don’t remind me.” Cullen felt heat flooding his face as he remembered Bull… well. He remembered Bull._ _

__“You sure? I could arrange a refresher.” Bull smirked, mischief twinkling in his sea green eye._ _

__“No.”_ _

__“Suit yourself,” Bull laughed as he walked away._ _

__Cullen sighed and rubbed at his neck. Was it his imagination or did the Bull have a bit more sway in his hips-_ _

___’Back to your duties, Rutherford.’_ he admonished himself._ _

__There was so much work to be done. And dinner to survive._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__Cullen told himself he was admiring the stars. He had walked the perimeter of Skyhold’s ramparts for the past few hours. Previous to that he had lain in bed, desperately wishing he could sleep. He was tired, but he couldn’t rest. His muscles jumped and twitched and would not stay relaxed. His mind chased itself into knots. He had frustrated himself near to tears before he had given up, gotten dressed again, and started walking. At least the repetitive motion seemed to calm his nerves a little._ _

__He stopped near the mage tower to look up at the stars. He wondered how many nights he had left to enjoy them._ _

__“Can’t sleep?”_ _

__Cullen nearly leapt over the ramparts._ _

__“Andraste’s tits, I didn’t hear you! … Where did you come from!?” Cullen gaped at the huge man that had appeared behind him without his notice. Cullen shook his head, frowning. He was hoping his heart would leave his throat and return to its normal residency in his chest._ _

__“Everything all right? You looked kind of, far away.” Bull kept a respectful distance, his voice low and soft._ _

__“It’s nothing,” Cullen replied a little too quickly. “Thank you. I should return to my quarters.”_ _

__“Why? To not sleep some more? C’mon. This way.” Bull nodded his head back towards the steps and turned away. Cullen watched as the Qunari walked away. He turned his gaze briefly to the horizon, and then chose to follow the Bull._ _

__Silently, the two men descended the ramparts and crossed the courtyard of Skyhold. Cullen followed Bull past the stables and into the kitchen, where Bull stopped to snag an apple before continuing on. They ascended the stairs outside Josephine’s office and crossed the main hall to go up those stairs, turning left and heading into the library._ _

__They walked in silence._ _

__They went through the library, up to the rookery, and out through the door that led to a long balcony. Leliana walked out here sometimes to clear her head, or find a moments peace. Looking down over the stables, across to his office, the mountains that surrounded them, and then up at the stars, Cullen wondered what he was doing._ _

__The Iron Bull took a bite of his apple. The scent was tangy and sweet. It made Cullen’s mouth water._ _

__Bull caught Cullen’s eye and held the apple out. Cullen’s first instinct was to reject the offer, but his treacherous guts chose that exact moment to protest loudly. Bull chuckled; Cullen took the apple and snapped of a few quick bites of the crisp flesh. He gave the remaining half back to Bull._ _

__The two remained on the balcony, quiet for a time. Cullen tried to control the shifting of his muscles as they stood there in the quiet. Bull’s presence was calming._ _

__“What were you doing on the ramparts, Bull?” he asked quietly._ _

__“Sleep’s treacherous sometimes.”_ _

__Cullen couldn’t agree more._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__The cold felt good, like he could lay there forever. But why did his shoulder hurt?_ _

__“Cullen?”_ _

__The voice was steady but there was an undertone, like a current pulling him under. Something was wrong._ _

__“You with me?”_ _

__It was Bull. What was Bull-?_ _

__“Bull?”_ _

__“Yeah. It’s me. You’re on the floor of the war room. Josephine asked me to get you. She didn’t see you leave after the meeting and it’s getting late. She was worried you forgot the time. You’re supposed to meet with some fancy Ferelden general. Don’t try and move yet.”_ _

__A hand, strong and gentle, resting on his shoulder._ _

__“Doesn’t look like you hit your head on the way down or anything. Soldier’s training, eh? Down on one knee if you feel faint. Looks like you just toppled over after that.”_ _

__Everything felt fuzzy. His tongue was a ball of cotton and his eyes glue. He was thirsty and sleepy._ _

__“Water.”_ _

__“Let me help you up. I’ll walk with you to your quarters. We’ll get you water first, food later if you feel like it.”_ _

__“Josephine.”_ _

__“I’ll let her know what happened, and she’ll be discreet. She can come up with an excuse for your absence. Take my hand, and try to sit up slowly when you’re ready.”_ _

__Cullen blinked heavily. Everything was askew, glassy and glowing. He took a few deep breaths in, through the nose, out, slowly. He reached out and Bull took his hand. Bull helped him steady as he sat up. Cullen had to wait a moment after sitting up before he could attempt to stand and when he did, he had to lean heavily on Bull to do so._ _

__“Walk close to me. Lean on me if you need to. I’ll carry these maps so it looks like we’re talking business, okay? No one will notice.”_ _

__Cullen grunted a noise he hoped Bull would take as agreement. They walked together slowly, pausing several times when Cullen felt the light growing too bright, the noise too overwhelming. Bull stood close by as Cullen leaned against the stone bridge that lead to his office, stopping to breathe the fresh air. Bull worried about Cullen going up the ladder to his loft; remained on the floor below to catch Cullen if he slipped. Bull followed Cullen up the ladder, helped him out of his armor and into bed, and brought water. Cullen drank a glass, slowly as Bull advised, and laid his head down into oblivion._ _

__When Cullen finally awoke at dawn, the Iron Bull was still there, watching over him. So many thoughts flooded his head. He was embarrassed, wanted to apologize, to say something to pretend this hadn’t happened. He sat up; feeling Bull watch him was he did so. Cullen opened his mouth to say, what? Something. Anything. They looked at one another in silence as Cullen turned to place his feet on the floor, his hands gripping the side of his bed._ _

__What else could he say?_ _

__“Thank you.”_ _

__

__***_ _

__

__The tavern was lively. Cullen and Bull sat at Bull’s usual table near the stairs. Cullen twisted his glass round and round on the table._ _

__“I’m not sure if- I’d still be… if you hadn’t- If it wasn’t for you-“ Cullen sighed, frustrated. “Dagna was right. Words are mush.”_ _

__“Agreed.” Bull raised his cup. Cullen clinked his of the side and they drank._ _

__They sat in companionable silence as the bard sang softly, sweetly._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__“This, this is your room?!?”_ _

__“What, you were expecting?” Bull grinned._ _

__“It’s… airy.” Cullen turned about in the space. The room looked as if the floor above had collapsed and been repaired during the restructuring of Skyhold so that there was one very tall room instead of two fairly tall rooms on two levels. There were large stained glass windows on the story above that lit the walls with various shades and tints of colour. The walls of light grey stone had been scrubbed and glittered in the light. A stand in the far corner of the room displayed Bull’s heavy armor, crowned by Dread. It was practically glowing._ _

__“I wasn’t expecting so much light,” he breathed._ _

__“See,” Bull smiled. “This is how you do light. A giant fucking hole in the ceiling is not a skylight, Cullen.”_ _

__“I need-”_ _

__“I know. And the cold helps with the headaches. But heat helps relax muscles; helps blood flow. You need both, Cullen. You need balance,” Bull stood behind Cullen, placed a hand on the small of the man’s back._ _

__Cullen leaned back into the touch._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__Was this? Was he… were they flirting?_ _

__

__***_ _

__

__Cullen had laughed when Bull had plucked a daisy from the bush and tucked it behind his ear. It was a silly gesture made even sillier when Bull had pulled a face for Sera to laugh at instead of ‘awww blushy Cully-Wully’._ _

__The daisy sat in a vase on Cullen’s desk for nearly two weeks before it finally wilted and had to be disposed of._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__He hadn’t meant to fall asleep._ _

__He had gone to speak to Bull, wanting a distraction from the day. They had gone to Bull’s room for some privacy and had shared a bottle of wine. Bull had a simple couch in his room as the only seating option, so the two had moved it in front of the fireplace for a little extra light and warmth.  
He stumbled over an apology until Bull took his hand._ _

__“You wouldn’t have slept if you didn’t need too. Besides, I enjoyed myself.”_ _

__“What, watching me sleep?” Cullen was a bit baffled by the thought. “How is that enjoyable?”_ _

__Bull raised his hand and cupped Cullen’s face gently, holding their gaze together._ _

__“Having someone trust you enough to fall asleep in your arms. Knowing you’re someone’s safe place, that they trust you to protect them when they are most vulnerable? Watching their face relax, and dream?” Bull leaned in, closer. Cullen felt Bull’s breath caress his cheeks as he continued to speak. Cullen felt something in his insides clench, not unpleasantly._ _

__“Feeling that warm glow in your chest when you look at them and think ‘Yes. This person is important to me.’ It’s wonderful.”_ _

__Bull curved his neck down. Cullen leaned up. Their kiss was soft, tentative. A gentle question. Was this okay?_ _

__Cullen shuddered when their lips parted._ _

__“Yes. It’s wonderful.”_ _

__

__***_ _

__

__It was bad. This one was bad. It felt like his bones were on fire. Sharp needle teeth tearing into his skull. He was freezing, but sweat was stinging his eyes. Was it sweat or was it blood? So much blood. Smell of it in the halls, seeping under the gap of the door._ _

__He was kneeling on the floor, hands tearing at his hair when Bull had found him. Bull had knelt beside him and pulled him into a strong grip, the pressure a relief. Bull sat holding him, rocking him, strong arms around his shoulders and waist grounding him as he fought back the urge to scream. Cullen rested his head on Bull’s chest when he wasn’t crushing it between his hands; pressure to relieve pain._ _

__“Tell me about your clinic again.” Bull commanded._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Tell me more about this Templar Clinic of yours.”_ _

__Cullen was swimming against the tide of his mind. He squeezed his eyes against the blinding pain._ _

__“There... There could be mages. They could work out of their Circles. I need to- there’s so much to make up for. So many things I’ve done wrong,” his voice cracked._ _

__“Cullen. Clinic.” The imperial tone was not to be denied._ _

__“I need… They need… I want a place where I can, they can, they can get past this. Fight it. Lots of sunlight. Air. Sky. So much sky…”_ _

__“Tell me about the sky.” Gentler, but still a command. Orders to be obeyed._ _

__“Blue sky, soft light. Clouds high and far, but some close enough to touch. And birds singing. A reminder of peace. A good sky.”_ _

__“Why is the sky important?”_ _

__“It helps to remember. Remind them of peace. Times before. Endless. Open. Freedom. Blue sky, so they can live peacefully. A sanctuary. We could finally have a place. A place to retire, continue living, not simply burn out. A place of rest from duty. Maker, I’m so tired.” He collapsed back into Bull’s arms. He was exhausted. The burning cramping in his muscles, the relentless shuffle of abominations in his mind, the twisting of his guts. Too much. It was all too much._ _

__“I got you. You’re safe here. Nothing will hurt you. Rest. You need to rest.” Bull shifted to rest his back against the wall, pulling Cullen with him, cradling the man in his arms. “Let me tell you a story. When I was Ashkaari, there was this one tamassran who really liked…”_ _

__Cullen struggled against his own tormenting thoughts, tried to force himself to listen to Bull’s voice, Bull’s story. He tried to force himself to relax, but his legs would not stop jittering and shaking. He pressed an ear over Bull’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart._ _

__Bull talked. Cullen struggled to focus; to listen._ _

__The heat from Bull’s body began to warm Cullen through the leather and the metal of his armor. Bull’s low voice was soothing. Cullen could feel it in his bones. The strong arm wrapped around his shoulders kept him grounded. The arm that rested gently on his thigh was a warm glow in his blood. He wasn’t anywhere but here._ _

__“So one day, I had the brilliant idea to…”_ _

__Bull kept talking. Cullen kept listening as best he could._ _

__The sky was lightening. The darkness was easing away._ _

__“So I found these little rocks that looked like they would serve the purpose. I mean, it wasn’t what she was expecting but…”_ _

__Bull kept talking. Cullen kept listening._ _

__The sky began to glow. Dawn was nearly here. Noise began to grow in the courtyard. Skyhold was waking up._ _

__Cullen sighed. He was exhausted. His head was throbbing and every muscle in his body was aching from the tension he’d been holding in. But it was over, for now. The worst of it was done. One more night. One more dawn._ _

___One more hour_ , he told himself. _Just keep going one more hour.__ _

__“Feeling better?” Bull’s voice was so warm. So soft._ _

__“A little,” he whispered. It wasn’t a lie._ _

__“Hey,” Bull squeezed Cullen tightly. “I’ll tell you bedtime stories any time you need.”_ _

__

__***_ _

__

__“How did you know to, to help. Like that?”_ _

__“You aren’t the only ex-Templar I’ve encountered in my life. Even had a few in the Chargers a while back. I’ve seen what lyrium withdrawal can do. I saw the signs in you when we first met. But you’ve kept going. You haven’t given in. You haven’t given up.”_ _

__“I don’t know if I can do this.”_ _

__“You’re already doing it, Cullen. Maybe you just needed a reminder.”_ _

__

__***_ _

__

__He was breathless. He’d never been kissed like he mattered before. His heart was beating so hard, so fast. Bull’s lips were on his neck, hands on his waist, tugging, pulling._ _

__Cullen gasped. His undershirt was pulled over his head and Bull was already at the laces of his breeches before it hit the floor._ _

__“I want you. I need you. Please.”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__

__***_ _

__

__“You and-!”_ _

__“Ha! You owe me fifty silver!”_ _

__“I’m glad I never took that particular bet.”_ _

__“I’ve got a question. How does that even work? I mean, how does it fit?!”_ _

__“Maker, preserve me.”_ _

__

__***_ _

__

__The night had been long and the fighting bloody, but the dawn had come._ _

__Cullen had nearly fallen to his knees when he saw Bull alive after the temple had been torn into the sky and then collapsed, crushing boulder to dust beneath it, the ground shaking and bucking from the force._ _

__Cullen had dropped sword and shield and thrown his arms around the Bull’s neck. He was lifted off his feet, lips crushed together in life affirming, passionate relief._ _

__Varric and Sera just had to whistle, didn’t they?_ _

__The dawning of the second day saw them in still abed, care-worn faces soothed by dreams, safe in each other’s arms._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__Several years later after the Inquisition was disbanded, everyone mostly went their separate ways. Sera and the now former Inquisitor set off into their life of married mayhem. Dorian went back to Tevinter. Cole went with Maryden and that still boggled Cullen’s mind._ _

__Cullen left Orlais with the Iron Bull._ _

__It was an unspoken understanding._ _

__Cullen worked with Bull’s Chargers for a little while before setting his focus on finding a place to build his clinic. He returned to Fereldan, as he always knew he would. Divine Victoria graciously aided him by donating a sizable tract of land. Not only was it large enough for a clinic and housing, the land was fertile and suitable for farming.  
There was so much sky._ _

__The clinic was partially self-sufficient thanks to its farm. It also gave those who lived there something to do with their time. Keeping hands and minds busy helped the men and women discipline themselves once more. Good work, with good purpose. It helped._ _

__Between jobs in Orlais and Ferelden, Bull and some of the Chargers would come by Cullen’s clinic to help out. Some of the former Templars that had taken up residency there looked forward to the Chargers’ visits, relishing the opportunity to spar with someone different._ _

__Cullen looked forward to these visits as well. Bull’s company was always welcome._ _

__A couple of years after the clinic had been opened, Cullen had given Bull a dawnstone ear cuff that was shaped like a little dragon. He’d wanted to give Bull a ring, but knew how impractical they were when fighting. He had hoped Bull would accept it._ _

__Bull had. In fact, he accepted it with so much enthusiasm that Cullen had slept until noon the following day._ _

__Krem still teased them both about that._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__As Cullen was returning from his morning walk with the small pack of mabari that called the clinic home, a raven arrived with a message._ _

__It was from Bull. The Chargers were due to arrive in a few days’ time._ _

__Cullen idly stroked his dragon’s tooth necklace with his thumb as he read and reread the letter._ _

__He was looking forward to their reunion._ _


End file.
